Parental Manipulation: Let's Talk About It. (You’re Not Crazy Podcast: Episode Seven)

In the latest episode of "You're Not Crazy," I dive into the world of parental manipulation, particularly as it pertains to parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. In my opinion, this episode is a must-listen for anyone grappling with the emotional toll of growing up with manipulative parents. Let's unpack the key topics discussed in this episode.

Parental manipulation can take many forms, but some of the most common tactics include gaslighting, triangulation, guilt-tripping, emotional blackmail, and projection.

Gaslighting is a particularly insidious form of manipulation where the parent denies the child's reality, making them question their own sanity. This term originates from the movie "Gaslight," where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is going insane. In family dynamics, gaslighting can create a distorted sense of reality, leaving the child constantly second-guessing themselves.

Triangulation is another prevalent tactic, often used to create rivalries within the family. In this scenario, a parent may try to pit siblings or other family members against each other to maintain control and manipulate the family's dynamics. This not only fosters an unhealthy environment but also erodes trust among family members. By recognizing and refusing to participate in triangulation, individuals can begin to break free from these toxic patterns.

Guilt-tripping and emotional blackmail are closely related forms of manipulation that can wreak havoc on a child's mental health. Guilt-tripping involves making the child feel guilty for not meeting the parent's expectations, while emotional blackmail uses threats of withdrawing love or support to control the child's behavior. These tactics are particularly damaging because they exploit the child's emotional vulnerabilities, leading to long-term psychological effects.

Projection is another manipulative behavior often exhibited by parents with borderline or narcissistic personality disorders. In this case, the parent projects their own feelings, thoughts, or behaviors onto the child, refusing to take personal accountability. This can create a confusing and hostile environment for the child, who may internalize these projected feelings and behaviors as their own.

The silent treatment is a form of emotional neglect that can be just as damaging as more overt forms of abuse.

When a parent gives the silent treatment, they withdraw communication and affection, creating a sense of abandonment and anxiety in the child. While this tactic can be excruciatingly painful, it often becomes less effective as the child grows older and learns to navigate their emotions more independently. As an adult, having a parent who stresses you out decide to not talk with you, can actually feel like a relief.

Jealousy and competitiveness are also common in parent-child dynamics involving narcissistic parents. Narcissistic parents often view their children as extensions of themselves, rather than as individuals with their own identities. This can lead to feelings of jealousy and resentment when the child achieves success or receives attention that the parent perceives as threatening. Recognizing these dynamics is crucial for breaking free from the cycle of manipulation and reclaiming one's sense of self.

Finally, the concept of "flying monkeys" refers to the practice of enlisting other family members or friends to do the parent's bidding. This can involve pressuring the child to comply with the parent's wishes or to reconcile with the parent. This tactic adds another layer of manipulation and can make it even more challenging for the child to establish healthy boundaries.

Throughout the episode, I emphasize the importance of recognizing these manipulative behaviors as what they are- abusive.

While these manipulative tactics are incredibly common and normalized in dysfunctional families, they are neither healthy nor normal. By better understanding this, my hope is that you can begin to take steps to protect your own mental health. It’s only through unraveling the damage caused by abuse that any of us are able to find peace and build healthier, more authentic relationships.

In conclusion, this episode of "You're Not Crazy" provides insights into the toxic dynamics of narcissistic and borderline parenting. From gaslighting and triangulation to emotional blackmail and the silent treatment, I shed light on the various forms of parental manipulation and offer guidance on how to navigate these challenging relationships. Tune in to this episode for a comprehensive guide to understanding and overcoming the harmful effects of parental manipulation.