Let's TackleÂ
THIS TOGETHER
Coaching with Torie Wiksell
Parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders make life really stressful.
People with these personality disorders are so consumed by their own internal world, they don’t have space to consider the experiences and needs of their children. Which is pretty shitty if you happen to be the adult child of a parent with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder.
The reality is- your parent is unlikely to be the catalyst for healthy change in your relationship with them, which means it’s up to you to decide if you want to keep moving along with the status quo, or if you’re ready to change it.
What's the difference between therapy and coaching?
Actually, a lot!
Therapy looks at the big picture of your life and addresses all areas: your mental health and well-being, your relationships, trauma, etc. Coaching on the other hand is very goal-focused and does not include working on things like clinical depression and anxiety, but rather is targeting how to cope with a specific issue like setting boundaries or going no-contact with a parent with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder.
Coaching is a completely unregulated field, which is why it’s super important to work with therapist-coaches who not only have the training and experience to understand the differences between therapy and coaching, but who can also recognize when to refer you to a therapist. Without this knowledge, a well-intentioned coach can end up encouraging you to do something that actually makes your life harder and negatively impacts you mental health.
Many people (including some therapists!) do not have training and experience to understand how to support the adult children of parents with BPD and NPD.
And, this really matters because the way to set boundaries with someone with BPD or NPD looks extremely different than how you would set boundaries with someone without these disorders. There are things that must be taking into consideration, such as emotional and physical safety concerns, what the consequences of setting boundaries may be, and how to cope with those consequences.
Additionally, discouraging someone from setting a boundary or ending a relationship with someone who has repeatedly abused them is bordering on gaslighting in my opinion. You’re not crazy, and it’s completely reasonable to want to put an end to the chaos. Whether that’s through boundaries or through going no-contact is completely your call. I’m just here to help.
COACHING
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Short-term (usually lasts a few weeks to a few months)
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Focused on one specific problem area (like dealing with BPD or NPD parents)
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Is very present and future focused
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Is best for clients who are ready to take action but need support and guidance in order to do so
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Coach provides validation, valuable information and feedback, and assists with problem-solving and strategizing
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No diagnosing or treatment of mental health issues (Coach should refer out if client is in need of therapy)
THERAPY
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Long-term (usually lasts several months to several years)
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Focused on the whole person and all areas of their life
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Has a strong emphasis on past, present, and future
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Is great for all clients regardless of how ready they are in this moment to take action and make changes
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Therapist provides validation, teaches important skills, assists in processing trauma, and much more
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Thorough assessment and treatment of mental health issues is provided. Diagnosis may or may not be assigned.
I'M TORIE.
In my psychotherapy private practice, I specialize in working with the adult children of emotionally immature parents- specifically parents with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). My passion for this work isn’t only professional, it’s personal, too.
I know how chaotic and stressful it is to grow up with a BPD or NPD parent because I grew up with a mother who had an unmanaged personality disorder. The phrase, walking on eggshells, definitely fits, but doesn’t fully explain the intensely complicated and confusing dynamics.
Growing up in a family like this probably made you feel crazy at times.
I know I certainly did.Â
I’ve spent a huge part of my nearly 12-year career as a therapist working with clients with personality disorders. And, I’ve spent the past few years working extensively with adults who have parents with BPD and NPD. It’s a really unique skill set and one I’m incredibly passionate about.
I’ve survived a dysfunctional family system, I’ve walked through my own healing in many years of therapy (which I still do- this is not an anti-therapy website!), I’ve studied and learned and trained in this area, and I’ve committed to a career of helping people just like you and me navigate this complicated relationship.
SCHEDULE A COACHING SESSION
I'm excited to work together! Please schedule a session for the time that works for you using my online calendar. If you anticipate needing to meet more than once, feel free to schedule up to 4 sessions at a time. You
